I write way too much, cause i have a harder time saying how I feel through voice. I write farewell letters to the love of my life because I'm ridiculous and i like running away from my problems. I live in a fairytale. When people tell me what to do I do the opposite because i like to do whatever I want. I live too freely and i love too deeply. I'm selfish at times but i try to give the one's around me a better life. I battle my own thoughts everyday, i live in my own world inside my mind, inside these thoughts that have consumed me. I walk and i just hear thoughts, they follow me where ever I go. I hide from how i feel, i don't like people having me all figured out. I'm complicated, completely impossible to reason with. I throw fits, I cry, I complain. I hate to be wrong. i only hear what i want too. I like to have attention. I feel lost in the crowd 99 percent of the time. I hide behind my green eyes and my smile from what i feel inside. I don't let anyone see my weakness, I'm afraid to show how i really feel because I'm afraid of being judged. I'm a living testimony. I care way too much what others think of me. I'm learning everyday that life is too fragile, live each day as if it were the first and last day of your life. Love is everlasting. Love without holding back. I'm learning that God is the only one that won't ever let me down.

I don't carry my bible everywhere i go, but i find peace and security when its with me. I listen to the same sad song over and over again, about a thousand times and more. I love the 90s, i wish i could carry a boom box around where ever i go playing 90s music. i wish i could go back in time to when i was that little girl, who was carefree who loved her daddy more then anything in the world, and he was the only man in my life. I never watch the news so i never know what's going on in the world and that i could careless what's going on anyway. I'm always listening to women with powerful voices because i picture myself them as if i had that strength they had through their voice. I imagine myself as a strong powerful dominate woman who can be dependent on Jesus Christ and doesn't need a man to make her happy. i draw fake tattoos on my wrists with a black sharpie because i like to feel like I'm strong. I try to be someone that i am not only because I'm hiding from my flaws, I'm learning to embrace my flaws as if they were beauty marks. I'm always hiding, I'm always running away because it seems so much easier being on my own. I'm learning to open up to people because their are people out there that actually do care and who are willing to listen. I'm learning everyday. I'm 17. I'm free, I'm independent. I'm the cute unique girl who always wears a different colored cammi with every shirt, the one with the glitter in her eyes and the vans shoe boxes stack up to her bedroom ceiling, and the soggy fruit loops on her dresser. I trust too easily, and love too deeply. I care way too much but that's never gonna change. I learn something new about myself everyday. I'm always praying about everything, things that you wouldn't think aren't even relevant to anything at all. I'm constantly up at wee hours of the morning, trying to sleep but am so tired that I can't. I continuously leave my clothes in my friend, Jamie's car because I know that as soon as I go somewhere, I will be with her. I don't like undergarments because i like to feel free, but I wear them anyway, because I feel like i have to. I' shave my legs everyday, as well as my arms, because if I don't I break out with OCD and feel like I have to. I'm lazy, I'm messy, my hair is always a mess, i don't pick up after myself, i leave my purse anywhere, I'm simply a pain in the butt. I hardly ever use fingernail clippers, i just bite my nails instead. I love surprises. i love loose change, pennies mainly because they come in handy. I make up words only because it makes me feel smarter. I hate cussing, i think its nasty but I'm a hypocrite because when I'm angry i cuss all the time, every word that comes out my mouth is a cuss word when I'm mad. I repent constantly! I'm always thinking that I'm doing something wrong. i over think everything. I like to ride with the windows down with my 1960s shades on because i like to pretend that I'm in the black and white movies riding with the windows down with the wind blowing in my hair. I'm always trying to compare real life to the movies, I'm learning that real life isn't nothing like the movies, but then again I'm a five year old so of course fairy tales are the only thing that exists in my world. I'm unaware with the the things around me because i live in my own little world. I like starring at old married couples that match and that drive an old Mercedes that raddles. I'm always at the beach, well I try to be anyway. I love the beach, it is the best thing God has created. I shop way too much, and save way too less. My theory is that you only live once, why not spend your money, and have all the clothes you want, i mean you only live once, so why not shop till you drop? I never wear pants, I like to wear dresses a lot, only because I like to feel pretty. My stubbornness gets me into trouble at times. I hate when people drive the speed limit when its not necessary, i feel like its only okay for me to do so. I'm selfish yes. I'm a mess, a walking contradiction, i don't think before i say things. When I'm nervous i get diarrhea of the mouth. I'm always telling some random story that never makes any sense at all. I'm a little bi-polar. I'm happy one minute, and sad the next because I'll think of something and it'll ruin my day. I'm a mess. I get mad when people criticize fashion and can't grasp the understanding, the idea of it only because of their less unfortunate creative minds. The first thing i notice about the opposite sex is style. I can be shallow at times. I got my parents bad habits. I'm a mess. I'm probably the biggest procrastinator the most gullible person in the entire universe that you'll ever meet. I'm weird, not many people understand me, but i like it better that way, I'm not a mystery book I'm more of a romantic comedy. I'm melodramatic. i write my thoughts down anywhere and everywhere i am at, on napkins, post it notes, anything that's writing worthy. When it comes to food, when i like something i never try anything new. I have to be complicated because i like what i like and i want it again...I'm stubborn, again. Yes! but I know one thing is for sure, i have friends and family that loves me for who i am and knows exactly where i stand and they wouldn't change me for the world. I'm learning something new about myself everyday, and I'm perfectly content to say i love who i am....a stubborn, messy, ridiculous five year old.