We are not here to please people 100% of the time. Sometimes we need to do things for ourselves.
During the duration of my father's stay at the hospital. I have bent over backwards for him and Wendy, his girlfriend. Gave them money, bought them the things that they "needed", and have escorted them from place to place.
So.. what else is new?
I feel like I have been taken advantage of one too many times. But yet, I put myself in the position to be easily taken advantage of. Someone asks me for something, I complain about it but am too nervous to say no, they guilt trip me into letting in, and then I give in. It's that simple.
I need to stop. But it's like an addiction that I can't quit. Now I semi-understand what my parents go through day to day with the addiction of drugs and alcohol. For the longest time I judged them and looked at them differently than I do "normal" people. Because they smoked, drank and did drugs, I wanted nothing to do with them. They often asked me for money, to either pay a house bill or to fulfill the satisfying their hunger. I of course, gave in. What else was I to do?
Heck, I still do it.... to an extent.
Why do I continue to call them knowing that they are going to ask for money? Why don't I do what I intend to really do? I want to say no, but I can't. It's like there is something in the back of my mind that is telling me that somehow if I help them this one time, they would try harder to do better or change. Does that ever happen? No.
I may never know the reason as to why I do the things I do for them. Maybe it's because they are my parents and I somehow feel like it's partially my fault for how everything panned out.
As the owl says in the tootsie roll commercials...
"The world may never know."
And neither shall I.
Thanks people I call parents.
